"Just like Spring brings new flowers,
you too will grow this season"
The end of the beginning:
"It isn't how it ended,
In fact if it had ended any other way
This probably would make sense
The end was just as sincere as the beginning"
To the woman broken, yet still standing. To the woman keeping her chin up, and still going. This confession is for you:
Life is full of roller coaster moments. Ones that bring us pure joy, and ones that scare us to death. Ones that bring heartache, and ones that bring utter confusion.
& i'll go ahead and say that the last two listed are probably the hardest ones to accept.
They say time heals things, but lately I have found that to be a load of sh*t. Depending on what you do, time is merely a bandaid trying to cover a wound.
"Breakups aren't a scratch from falling down. You don't just put a sparkle bandaid on it hoping for it to heal". (My own description). Yet that's exactly what we tend to do. We force ourselves to not feel, to cover the emotion up as if it didn't exist. What really happens is that "Scratch" my sweet girl becomes a wound, one that when that bandaid no longer covers it will bleed all over.
You were trying
"This entire time
Trying to not feel
Trying to not fall
Trying to let yourself stay with the familiar
Trying to do it alone because that's all you knew
You're not trying now, this is the reality of the situation."
& when you do let yourself feel, that is it's own roller coaster. Acknowledging hidden truths that you were hoping would just disappear. (FYI they didn't just disappear). The other side of being beautifully broken given "time", is that you start to find yourself. You start to find who you truly are, or what you're capable of. (That is such a wonderful feeling). Sometimes too finding yourself shows that what happened during that time might not have been the fault of either person.
So here's the "bandaid" of time coming off. Here's the scratch that has grown. I think heartache / heartbreak is necessary. We are humans, and we are meant to feel. As someone who doesn't express emotion this is something that has allowed me to finally do just that. I think people are put into your life for reasons, and honestly I don't think every person you ever ended it with is to be deleted. Simply put, there are some people you won't ever forget you're just not supposed to.
Which also makes it confusing. Which makes "closure" blow, because closure isn't a thing. You're still reminded of that person for all the good they brought into your life. It makes saying, "I'm happy for you" sting like a B. Any heart felt human should be happy for someone finding someone. It makes "being friends" non existent, you'll never feel like just a friend.
They taught you more about yourself than you ever thought possible, & for that you should be grateful for the heartache. (Although I know it sucks). What I do hope, is that you let yourself feel. Know that you're growing, and this season will make you stronger.
& know that I am cheering you on, and letting you know to keep your chin up.
(PS. those short poems are from yours truly)